I can never explain how thrilled I was when Felicia and Danielle came to visit weekend of July 28th 2007.
It’s funny how life turns on a dime… Everything is going great for a change. You feel good, feel inspired. Thinking that for once everything is in line.
Valentine watched the girls grow year after year, and knowing Val spent time with both girls that weekend, I was truly grateful.
Val spent most her time hiding from the grandkids. I suppose she’s not as young like before when we had a house full of kids.
I captured that weekend on video so I will always remember it. I was the
happiest I’ve ever been because I have all four of my girls here with us.
The surprise greater than this was I had no idea in my mind it would be the
last recording ever, of Valentine.
From the first moment in 2002 when I found out she had breast cancer.
I was destroyed, I felt like a small helpless child not knowing where to turn to.
This baby is no different than a human child. In my eyes the bond we have
was just as strong.
I love her more than anything and wouldn’t let anything harm her.
That same weekend after taking the girls home, I noticed Val had a cough.
A cough that sounded like the ones we have with a cold.
I was worried about her because I love it cold in the house and when I gave her three nights prior it made her sick.
Night after night I couldn’t rest because I was worried about my little girl.
I slept on the couch so I could keep an eye on her. I noticed she wouldn’t jump up there with me, even when I picked her up causing her to cough more and louder. I didn’t know what to think when I noticed something on the carpet. I turn the light on to see it was blood. My baby is coughing up blood.
Every night I watched her suffer more and more as she tried to get comfortable.
I prayed constantly asking god to please make my baby well again.
I wouldn’t let her out of my sight.
I suppose I’m to blame for letting the suffering go on so long. “She’s my baby and I want her with me as long as I can.”
I babied Val as much as I could, but she always wanted to walk away and be by herself.
She wouldn’t eat or drink water.
At this time, I’m beside myself with grief already, but I won’t give up, “I know God won’t let me loose her.”
Everyday, all day long I pray that he'd help her, make her well, because I know he can.
My faith was so strong causing me not to take her to the Animal Hospital.
The following Sunday Daryl gave her some bacon and to our surprise she started eating.
Then he gave her, her favorite food of all time.
We watched and cheered her on while she continued to eat.
“God was going to heal her.”
That same Sunday night around 9:30 August 5, 2007..
She went outside with me and just stood there watching. When we came in she walked over to a bowl of milk I had in the floor and started drinking it.
My heart was so excited, “God had answered my prayers.”
I watched Val sitting beside the milk bowl with this intense look. Her eyes where bulged holding her head up looking straight at me.
I walked over to pick her up, and then noticed blood in the milk.
I also noticed the look of fear on her face, noticing she’s hurting even more.
I reached down to pick her up causing her to breath harder and cough. I tried holding like I’ve been doing with her chest in the palm of my hand holding her slightly against me.
I walked into the bedroom and laid her on the bed talking to her. I wanted to reassure her it’s going to be alright.
I sat there confused because she didn’t want to be around me.
I would pull her to me and she would walk away to the head of the bed.
I started crying just as Daryl walked into the room.
I was terrified looking down at her by my pillow. Her eyes were turned my direction looking at me but confusing me by walking away.
I thought of her favorite line, because everytime in the past whenever she was sick I’d use it.
I looked at her asking if she wanted to go for a ride.
She jerked her head up quickly with excitement like she always did.
Then I noticed her head continuing going up then back further till she was flat on the bed.
I jumped to her quickly as I noticed something happened around her face, and I knew she was gone but couldn’t grasp it.
I sat helplessly while I watched her take her last breath.
I sprung off the bed running toward the door, thinking if I walk out, I’d walk back in with her excited to see me coming to bed.
I reached the door and stopped putting both hands over my face trying to keep myself from screaming.
Daryl walks over and hugged me and I wanted to shout out to the roof top to get away from me so I could run away from it all.
I remained still, turning to look at my baby girl. I couldn’t leave the room letting her know I wasn’t there while she passed away.
I turned to look at her lying on the bed realizing this is it. The time I’ve dreaded for many years not wanting to live without her.
Daryl tried getting me not to watch because he knew I couldn’t handle it.
I was trying to stop crying so hard telling him I had to stay, there’s no way I could leave her.
“I have to let her know I’m here beside her.”
I sat on the bed petting and talking to her, telling her how much I loved her.
I sat there staring at her praying it’s not happening. I continued talking to her while daryl and I sat on the bed till it was over.
I can’t explain how bad my heart was broken.
“How will I face tomorrow without Valentine?”
“I’LL NEVER FORGET YOU VAL!!”
“I WILL MISS YOU EVERY DAY!”
“WE LOVE YOU…..ALWAYS!”