Thinking about how things happen and how we get so attached to certain things. My world, I made sure to revolve around Mac after loosing Valentine.
We became closer I suppose because for one reason she can now get closer to me with my Valentine out of the picture.
These babies were so complex.
Macarena was a lap baby while Valentine stretch out on back of the couch or the arm of. Don't think for one moment she wasn't watching who was getting to close to her Daddy.
Most of the time Macarena didn't care and Valentine wound continue to growl under her breath.
This went on everyday all day and night..lol.
I would not have wanted to miss it for anything. They brought so much joy and peace into my life. They understood when the world outside my door didn't or didn't know.
I'm so proud I had the chance with both Macarena And Valentine.
"I really want to tell Macarena I miss her so much, and if I hadn't shared with her during her last moments while beside me.
I would've never forgiving myself..
The more I think about it when I miss her, the more at ease I become..
I haven't been sleeping well since new years eve 2008, when she began having complications with her heart...
I knew it was only a matter of time and making her so angry with me & Daryl for having to force her medication down her throat that she refused to take.
We had to give the med to her at morning and at night.
So many other problems occurred that kept us going back to the Animal Hospital.
I felt that we would loose her at any minute so I kept a close watch on her.
Some even went as far to mention having her put to sleep.
I never understand that term unless your too selfish to pay the price to keep them here with you.
This is my baby, I would've never put Felicia or any other of my children to sleep because of medical problems.
So why should I fell any different with Macarena?
She's been my baby for close to thirteen years, so why would that solution come to mind.
To me it was nothing but stupidity on their part.
I kept her safe and help as much as I could, when she would let me.
I was always afraid I would go to sleep and not be with her if she slipped away...
On March 17th 2009 around 5:30 am, for some reason and I can't explain,
Mac and I went outside and when we came back in I had a huge puppy diaper stretched out in the floor.
She was sitting there looking over at me trying her best to breath.
I get up from the couch, walk over to her and lay in the floor cuddled up beside her.
I wanted her to know I was there and I will keep her as safe as I can.
Petting her while she looks up to me as to see if I was still there.
She would place her head back down to the floor.
I petted her as softly as i could incase she was hurting trying to breath.
When she looked up at me once more, I kissed her head twice and I told her it was OK.
"It's OK to go, just relax, I'm right here."
I had been so selfish for so long I suppose for begging her to stay with me.
What was amazing to me is it actually seemed that Macarena wanted to hear me tell her it was OK to go.
Maybe I reassured her I was going to be OK as long as she's safe and not hurting.
The air felt so thick when I realized she had began to relax.
I watched while she seem to have melted to the floor in my arms while I remain petting her.
I knew what was happening so I lay there holding her very close with my head resting close to hers.
I wasn't going to move until I knew it was over, and knowing she was no longer hurting..
Not once did she whimper or make any kind of sound.
After she looked up at me the second time and I told her it was OK to go, just relax.
She did just that, and I was so proud that I shared this moment here beside her.
I laid with her, with my arms wrapped around her and my head close to hers.
I wanted her to know I was beside her the entire time and to know that I loved her with all my heart..
"MACARENA YOU ARE TRULY MISSED!!"
